| presents excerpts from |
ISBN 0-9778140-0-9
326 pages, 68 photographs.
326 pages, 68 photographs.
....Confronting the caregiving experience is a major issue in
life. When family members are faced with it, the matter is
not something you can just stay silent about concerning
your own opinions. You could do better at keeping your
choices of religion and politics quiet than the other matters
(i.e., war and caregiving) which require immediate action, or
inaction as the choice may be. In some matters, a person
has to choose and let the choice be known. For our
purpose here, the important thing is to take a long-term
view. We need to see beyond personal beliefs on the rights
and wrongs of caregiving. More importantly, we need to
realize that making these major decisions defines which
camp or family we will be in long-term.
One final example of family designation revolves around
trust. I think in my own case of several close friendships I
developed in childhood and have continued to this day.
After I had known one friend for a few years, he was
introducing me to one of his close, trusted blood relatives.
He simply told her, “This is Heydon. He’s family.” All was
clear in an instant, and there were no questions asked. I’ve
had a couple of other similar experiences. Such an intro is
very warming and rewarding. Those introductions carry
great sincerity and make one feel truly part of a family.
*****
Aside from the personal beliefs that individual family
members have, there is also a power structure within the
family unit. In olden days, that may have been the king or
tribal chief or clan chieftain. In contemporary life, the
power roles are generally those of mother and father. These
are the authority figures who command attention. They
construct the basic family philosophy, and they also hold
the power of punishment and reward. They also provide
instruction and examples of dos and don’ts. However,
regardless of how good a job the parents do in teaching,
each offspring has his or her own inherent nature and is
also subject to outside influences—anything from daily
work or school companions to spouses. Still, as a living
symbol, parents usually retain some respect and are revered
long after their offspring are married and having children of
their own. While the parents live, order may be maintained.
This can be due to respect or some sort of fear, to include
a fear of losing support, or an inheritance if that is involved.
When the parents die, or become mentally disabled and
considered by some to be dead, another force can come
into play. This could be called a bid for power....
life. When family members are faced with it, the matter is
not something you can just stay silent about concerning
your own opinions. You could do better at keeping your
choices of religion and politics quiet than the other matters
(i.e., war and caregiving) which require immediate action, or
inaction as the choice may be. In some matters, a person
has to choose and let the choice be known. For our
purpose here, the important thing is to take a long-term
view. We need to see beyond personal beliefs on the rights
and wrongs of caregiving. More importantly, we need to
realize that making these major decisions defines which
camp or family we will be in long-term.
One final example of family designation revolves around
trust. I think in my own case of several close friendships I
developed in childhood and have continued to this day.
After I had known one friend for a few years, he was
introducing me to one of his close, trusted blood relatives.
He simply told her, “This is Heydon. He’s family.” All was
clear in an instant, and there were no questions asked. I’ve
had a couple of other similar experiences. Such an intro is
very warming and rewarding. Those introductions carry
great sincerity and make one feel truly part of a family.
*****
Aside from the personal beliefs that individual family
members have, there is also a power structure within the
family unit. In olden days, that may have been the king or
tribal chief or clan chieftain. In contemporary life, the
power roles are generally those of mother and father. These
are the authority figures who command attention. They
construct the basic family philosophy, and they also hold
the power of punishment and reward. They also provide
instruction and examples of dos and don’ts. However,
regardless of how good a job the parents do in teaching,
each offspring has his or her own inherent nature and is
also subject to outside influences—anything from daily
work or school companions to spouses. Still, as a living
symbol, parents usually retain some respect and are revered
long after their offspring are married and having children of
their own. While the parents live, order may be maintained.
This can be due to respect or some sort of fear, to include
a fear of losing support, or an inheritance if that is involved.
When the parents die, or become mentally disabled and
considered by some to be dead, another force can come
into play. This could be called a bid for power....
 |
Copyright ©2006 Heydon Buchanan. All Rights Reserved.
To put the family in order, we must first cultivate
our personal life; we must first set our hearts right.
—Confucius
In matters of conscience, the law of majority has
no place.
—Gandhi
our personal life; we must first set our hearts right.
—Confucius
In matters of conscience, the law of majority has
no place.
—Gandhi
| CHAPTER 5 FAMILIES AT THE CROSSROADS |