| presents excerpts from |
| CHAPTER 6 FORGIVENESS |
ISBN 0-9778140-0-9
326 pages, 68 photographs.
326 pages, 68 photographs.
 |
....Forgiveness is an issue to which we pay lip service from
childhood on. Perhaps it started for many of us as children
with recitation of the Lord’s Prayer, as we settled in for
sleep. “…Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those
who trespass against us….” Then at some point in life we
hear, “Forgive and forget” or “Let bygones be bygones.”
Why is it so difficult to truly forgive? How many people
successfully do it? My guess is that not too many actually
“forgive and forget” or even truly forgive.
What I had to realize was how individual the issue of
forgiveness really is. The simple jingoisms about
forgiveness do not work very well for real forgiveness. As
we listen to clergymen, therapists, family and friends who
advise us on the issue, there is usually something which
doesn’t ring true in their textbook advice. It’s not that they
aren’t sincere in offering their counsel; it’s that they aren’t
aware of what it will take each of us individually to
recognize that forgiveness into our souls, to have it fully
settle into our gut—to move on serenely. True forgiveness
is an individual matter and can’t be standardized.
*****
First we have to consider what issues even bring on the
need to consider forgiveness. Usually, it’s after we feel that
we’ve been wronged. The most obvious catalysts are when
we feel betrayed, physically or verbally abused, or stolen
from. Beyond the various hurts, on a deeper level these
perceived assaults seem to threaten our physical survival.
And physical survival is the strongest of our basic instincts.
The assault may just appear to be a threat to our trust and
dignity, but ultimately I believe the unconscious sees it as a
threat to our continued existence on earth. For this, our
defenses go on full alert.
When we consider giving real forgiveness, we are also
considering whether to live our lives beyond common
existence—on a spiritual plane that transcends the everyday
life of family, work and war. What forgiveness really
represents is an opportunity to grow. You may have to
leave....
childhood on. Perhaps it started for many of us as children
with recitation of the Lord’s Prayer, as we settled in for
sleep. “…Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those
who trespass against us….” Then at some point in life we
hear, “Forgive and forget” or “Let bygones be bygones.”
Why is it so difficult to truly forgive? How many people
successfully do it? My guess is that not too many actually
“forgive and forget” or even truly forgive.
What I had to realize was how individual the issue of
forgiveness really is. The simple jingoisms about
forgiveness do not work very well for real forgiveness. As
we listen to clergymen, therapists, family and friends who
advise us on the issue, there is usually something which
doesn’t ring true in their textbook advice. It’s not that they
aren’t sincere in offering their counsel; it’s that they aren’t
aware of what it will take each of us individually to
recognize that forgiveness into our souls, to have it fully
settle into our gut—to move on serenely. True forgiveness
is an individual matter and can’t be standardized.
*****
First we have to consider what issues even bring on the
need to consider forgiveness. Usually, it’s after we feel that
we’ve been wronged. The most obvious catalysts are when
we feel betrayed, physically or verbally abused, or stolen
from. Beyond the various hurts, on a deeper level these
perceived assaults seem to threaten our physical survival.
And physical survival is the strongest of our basic instincts.
The assault may just appear to be a threat to our trust and
dignity, but ultimately I believe the unconscious sees it as a
threat to our continued existence on earth. For this, our
defenses go on full alert.
When we consider giving real forgiveness, we are also
considering whether to live our lives beyond common
existence—on a spiritual plane that transcends the everyday
life of family, work and war. What forgiveness really
represents is an opportunity to grow. You may have to
leave....
Copyright ©2006 Heydon Buchanan. All Rights Reserved.
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
—Buddha
To carry a grudge is like being stung to death
by one bee.
—William H. Walton
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
—Buddha
To carry a grudge is like being stung to death
by one bee.
—William H. Walton